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Showing 369–384 of 1179 results

I have to see the candy before I get into the van.I’m not stupid.

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I haven’t shopped in three days. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

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I heard the government is putting chips inside of people. I hope I get Doritos.

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I heard the more colorful your salad is, the better it is for you. So I swapped my croutons for M&M’

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I heard you were telling people that I think I’m better than you. YOU’RE RIGHT.

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I hope Karma slaps you in the face before I do!

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I identitify as a threat. My pronouns are try/me.

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I jus hate it when Walmart doesn’t have what I need and I have to go home, change out of my pajamas so I can go to Target.

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I just ate a snickers bar and I’m still a bitch.

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I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

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I just got pulled over by a cop. He asked me if I had a record. Apparently ’Roxanne’ was not answer he wanted to hear.

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I just met a girl scout with a credit card reader on her phone. Shit just got real.

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I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

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I just realized that when someone in their 20’s talks about “Old People”, they are talking about us.

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I just rehearsed what I’m going to say at the drive-thru window five times.

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I just replaced the can of air freshner in the bathroom with an air horn. Now we wait?

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