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I’m just gonna let Jesus fix it. If I fix it?I’m going to jail.

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I’m just here for the chips and salsa.

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I’m like my Father’s tractor. I may take awhile to warm up, but once I get going, I can turn your topsoil til the cows come home.

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I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but you have not seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room, have yoy?

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I’m old enough to remember when mentally ill people were put in hospitals, not congress.

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I’m only asking myself one question these days. What would Beth do?

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I’m smart, but not know-when-to-stop-eating-when-I’m-full smart.

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I’m so offended when my body gets sick. I gave you a vegetable last week.

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I’m so tired, the bags under my eyes are bigger than my boobs.

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I’m somewhere between giving up and seeing how much more I can take.

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I’m starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.

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I’m still waiting for the study that will finally show that gobs of butter is good for you.

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I’m your wife, not your maid. I thought I’d point that out since you seem to be confused.

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I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.

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I’ve decided growing up is not for me. Thanks, though, for the opportunity.

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I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m OK with that. After all, 7 lbs. 2 oz. is just not realistic.

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