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I’m starting my own sorority. Anybody want to join “Don’t give a krappa”?

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I’m starting to wonder how bad four years with NO President can be?

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I’m stuck between ’I need to save money’ and ’You only live once.’

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I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy, but with a cape.

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I’m too old to drop it like it is hot. I’m just gonna sit down like it is warm.

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I’ve always wanted to turn around in a big chair and say, "I’ve been expecting you."

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I’ve learned so much from my mistakes that I’m thinking of making a few more!

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I’ve lost two pounds. One from each boob.

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I’ve never been a millionaire, but I just know I’d be darling at it!

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If a cowboy is happy, does that make him a jolly rancher?

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If Facebook has taught us anything, it’s that a lot of you are not quite ready for a spelling bee.

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If God can make a bugs butt light up, think of what He can do for you.

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If I blocked you on social media and you see me on the street, you do realize the block still applies in real life, don’t you?

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If I damned if I do and damned if I don’t, then Dammit, I’m going to do it!

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If I had a baby dragon, it would sit on my shoulder all day and shoot flames at people we don’t like

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If I had to rate my stress, I’d say I am pretty close to 2007 Britney Spears.

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