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If I were the Pope, I would change the bread that Catholics receive at mass from The Bread of Chri

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If inflation continues to soar, we are going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.

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If it weren’t for bumber stickers, nobody would check out my rear-end!

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If it weren’t for me, you would be Mom’s favorite. Love ya!

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If Jonah can talk to God while he’s stuck in a whale, I think you can text back.

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If Karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.

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If my body were a car I would trade it in on a newer model? Everytime I cough, sneeze or sputter, my radiator leaks and my exhaust backfires.

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If my celing fan could hold my weight, I’d never be bored again.

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If someone asks, “Are you crazy?” Simply say “Yes”. Just like that. End of discussion.

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If someone poins at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, you just look aaround the room and answer,” haven,t decided yet.

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If stupid could fly, certain people I know would be jets.

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If swimming is such a way to stay in shape, explain whales.

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If we are ever in a “Don’t laugh” situation, DO NOT look at me.

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If we were meant to “POP” out of bed, we’d all sleep in Toasters!

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If you are a passenger in my car don’t ever disrespect me by trying to sing lead.It’s my car. You are automatically a back up singer.

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If you are arguing loudly on your phone in public, please put it on speaker, I need to hear both sides of the story.

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