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Relationships are cool and stuff, but have you tried garlic bread? With cheese?

$12.00
Remember the days when you were a good girl? Me neither.

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Remember when I’m Telling! was the scariest sentence in the world?

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Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

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Remember when we were young and couldn’t wait to grow up and do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted? How’s that working out for you?

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Remember? When I say “the other day” it can mean anytime between yesterday last year.

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Removed my spanx slip and acidentally rocohcheted myself into the neighbors back yard.

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Republican, Democrat, Pissed Off

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Republican. . . Democrat. . . Rational Human Being

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Research shows that in 100% of cases, when some one says,"Oh no!, she didn’t", she, in fact, did.

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Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.

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Save business cards of the people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally,just write “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.

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Say No to Crack

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Screw the padded room, give me a trampoline floor with bubble wrapped walls and a velcro ceiling.

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Seeing a spider isn’t a problem. It becomes a problem when it disappears.

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Seeing people walk out of my life is really painful. I want to see them run.

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