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You know how you can smack something to get it to work? I wish I could do that with people.

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You know it is rime for a pedicure when you exfoliate one foot with the other one.

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You know it’s going to be a great story when it starts of?"So this bitch?"

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You know that awkward moment when you think you’re alone in a public resroom, about to poop, then someone walks in?

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You know that moment when you accept a compliment and then realize it wasn’t meant for you?

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You know that thing inside that keeps you from saying stuff you probably shouldn’t? Yeah, well mine’s broken.

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You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

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You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

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You know when you by a bag of salad and it starts getting brown?

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You know you are getting old when you get butt jiggles when you brush your teeth.

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You make me wish I had more middle fingers.

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You may be prettier, skinnier, and tanner than I am. But, I out boob you on every level.

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You never appreciate what you have til it’s goe. Toilet paper is a good exmple

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You never know what I have up my sleeve. Today, for example, it was a dryer sheet.

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You never realize how long a minute is until you exercise.

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You talk about hell as if you were born and raised there.

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