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Flour Sack Towels

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When Tom receivedthe invite for Thanksgiving Dinner, he did not realize he WAS the dinner!

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When tyou are the mom of boys, you get to say things like,”We can’t visit the Grand Canyon because I’m afraid you’ll throw your brother over.

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When you find a spider in the shower. Naked and Afraid.

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When you get a wine hangover,its called a “Grape Depression

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When you have bacon in your mouth, it does not matter who’s president.

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When you haven’t worn make-up in a week and you put on macara and you’re like?move over Beyonce, mama’s back.

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When you push a pull door and someone says, “you have to pull” like duhhhh because my next step was to start lifting it up.

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When you really, really want to slap someone. Do it. Just make sure to say ’mosquito’ when you do.

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When you wish upon a Bar?

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Whenever a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on the front porch just to show them what I am capable of.

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Whenever I am with my family and someone says, Wow, you have a beautiful family! , I reply, Well,

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Where does all my money go? It’s like Hocus-Pokus, I’m brokus!

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Where is Morgan Freeman? Shouldn’t he be narrating this stuff or something?

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Where’s the finish wine?

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Whether you see your glass as half empty or half full does not matter. You did NOT pour enough wine into your glass. Start over.

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Which wine pairs best with chocolate easter candy?

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