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I don’t like pantyhose. Every time I pass alittle gas, I blow my slippers off!

$12.00
I don’t like to brag, but today I washed and dried a load of clothes on the same day without forgetting I had stuff in the wash.It’s like I’m some kind of domestic ninja.

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I don’t like to call it revenge? returning the favor sounds so much nicer.

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I don’t normally eat chocolate chip cookies. But when I do I eat a dozen.

$12.00
I don’t regret burning my bridges. I gret that some people weren’t on those bridges when I burnt them

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I don’t remember much about last night, but the fact that I had to wear sunglasses when I opened the

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I don’t speak jealous, slut or revenge. I do speak Punch-A-Bitch Would you like a lesson?

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I don’t understand why so many of you are unhappy. They sell Vodka where you are, don’t they?

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I don’t want to make you jealous, but my kid just told me I’m the meanest Mom in the world.

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I drank so much Vodka last night, I woke up with a Russian accent.

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I drank so much WINE last night, When I walked across the dance floor, I won the DANCE COMPETTION!

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I drink while I work out. I call it Barcardio!

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I drink wine like a mother.

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I end my sentences with “Just Saying” because ending the sentence with “Dumb Ass” would probably be considered offensive.

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I enjoy a glass of wine every night for its health benefitbenefits. The other glassesare for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

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I feel a sin coming on.

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