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I’ve been told I’m going to HELL for my excessive use of the ‘F’ word. I’ve rented a bus if any of you need a ride.

$12.00
I’ve been trying to get into the Christmas Spirit?but the bottle won’t open.

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I’ve been watchin you all year and you are not naughty, you are mentally disturbed.

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I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.

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I’ve decided growing up is not for me. Thanks, though, for the opportunity.

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I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m OK with that. After all, 7 lbs. 2 oz. is just not realistic.

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I’ve found that growing up in the 60′ was a lot more fun than being in my sixties.

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I’ve got a blank space baby, and I’ll write your name

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I’ve never been hel hostage, but I have been in a group text.

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I’ve never been the kind of girl looking for a sugar daddy. But, if there is a wine daddyot there. . . message me.

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I’ve probably met the man of my life and told him to f*ck off.

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I’d better have a glass of wine, just to stay focused.

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I’d go running with you, but it makes my boobs thrash around wildly.

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I’d hide if I was you.

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I’d like to thank whoever told my Mom that WTF means, Wow! That’s Fantastic! . Her texts are so m

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I’d prefer a dozen long stemmed donuts for Valentines Day.

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