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I couldn’t if I Fried!

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I danced like no one was watching, but someone was watching, thought I was having a seire and called 911.

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I decided to go for a jog today. . . as I set off, I heard clapping behind me. Then I realized it was my butt cheeks cheering me on.

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I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferrably in a hotel. With a pool. And a spa.

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I did a Google search of my symptoms?turned out I just needed to go to the beach.

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I didn’t do it

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I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.

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I didn’t sleep well last night so I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I made it half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.

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I didn’t want to grow up. I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.

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I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 5 years in a row.

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I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

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I didn’t see anyone important today, so I will wear these same clothes tomorrow.

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I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Saturday night, more kisses beginn with Bud Light than Kay?

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I do five sit ups every morning. It may not sound like very many, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button!

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I do naughty things. And I’m pretty damn good at it.

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I do very bad things. And I do them very well.

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