Humor BEST SELLER
Showing 449–464 of 1179 results
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I think the me who buys groceries and the me that has to cook are two entirely different people.
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I think the proper term for ‘older’ women should be: Queen-agers. That is all Carry on.
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I thought as an adult I wouldn’t need to sing the Alphabet Song when alphabetizing, but yet, here we are.
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I thought I was losing weight, but, apparently, my sweat pants came untied.
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I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
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I threw my back out sucking my stomach in.
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I throw my spanish in the air sometimes saying Ayyyoooo, No comprendoooo
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I took the road less traveled and now I don’t know where the hell I am.
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I tried that Japenes decluttering trend where you hold each thing you own and throw it out if it doesn’t give you joy. So far, I’ve thrown out all the vegetables and the electric bill.
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I TRIED TO BEHAVE BUT I GOT BORED.
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I tried. It died.
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I vow to drink more wine so I can do something crafty with the corks.
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I want a closed casket funeral. However, at the end of the service, please have the organist play “Pop Goes The Weasel” over and over until everyone is staring at my coffin in silent, horrific anticipation.
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I want somebody to stand up at my funeral and say” She didn’t even kike ya’ll
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I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.
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I want to grow my own food but I can’t find any bacon seeds.
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