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Showing 721–736 of 1179 results

My goal is to be that old person that everyone is afraid to take out in oublic .

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My goal was to lose 15 pounds this year. Only 20 to go.

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is.

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My happy place is at home, in my bitch cave.

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My haters have only one advantage over me. They can kiss my ass. I can’t.

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My heart has no room for you, but the trunk of my car definitely does.

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My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.

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My husband acuses me of not making romantic gestures anymor, but this morning, while backing out of the driveway, I had a perfect opportunity to run him over and chose noyt to.

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My husband said the spark between us had gone.So I tased him. I’ll ask if it’s back when he wakes up!

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My husband thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.

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My idea of a diet is blowing the sugar off a doughnut.

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My itsy-bitsy paycheck just posted to my account. Down came the bills and wiped my money out.

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My kid talks a lot of smck for someone whose only source of income is the tooth fairy.

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My life is just a series of awkward and humiliating moments separated by snacks.

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My life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

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My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone.

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